it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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