Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
