Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
