so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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