you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We need to get me chipped asap
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
