Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
