My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
