we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
