it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
