I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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