I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
