I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
