the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize