Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
