...so i touched it.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
