I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
