I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
