He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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