I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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