I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
