I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
