Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
