Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i drank out of a bidet.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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