thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He better not be in your backpack
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
