I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
