I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
