I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
