I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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