Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
