I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
