some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
