omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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