I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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