Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
