so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
wat bout pragnant strippers??
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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