idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
