What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
