is your mom at the bar?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
