I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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