it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
