My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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