Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
