The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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