just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
