i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
