The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
