Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
