There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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