In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
