we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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