I got chris browned last night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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