hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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