There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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