first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
